Looking Back...

2010 was not a good year for me. Did we face some hard circumstances? Yes. But nothing out of the norm for life; nothing that God has not told us we could expect. But somehow all these circumstances combined with my response to them and general habits have me looking back and being not very happy with myself. If I can be a little "new-agey", I was out of balance. Probably slightly depressed. Did not take my circumstances and depression and bad responses to the Lord nearly enough, but instead I just got stuck.

The good thing is I feel myself coming out of the fog; God is gracious and patient and never-changing. He is FAITHFUL. So I have used this relatively-quiet December to rest in Him, and I remember now that hard years are not to be forgotten. I want to remember what I have learned this year. I will focus on coming plans, goals, ideas, months, soon; today I will write what I want to remember from 2010. Some are just memories, some are lessons, some light-hearted, some not, all random.

(Written to my future self)
1. Your husband was able to take care of himself in long-needed ways through 2 surgeries this year. He had employment and time to do this with peace.

2. All that back-of-the-mind worry about your neglect of Leah's one-on-one teaching time was for naught. She picked up her siblings basic chapter books sometime mid-summer and announced that she had read them. You didn't believe her until Eric asked her to read the Bible passage one night and she did it. You're pretty sure the homeschooling police cannot arrest you now because you have taught all of your children to read.

3. Your kids were (eventually) excited about moving to Missouri. They could envision themselves starting over and look at it as an adventure. Even though it didn't happen, they have the experience of preparing themselves to do something completely new.

4. Speaking of trying new things, Delaney sewed the skirt, did the judges interview, and walked up and down the stage at the fair without tears or hatred toward you. Between that and two piano concerts and soccer, her confidence has bloomed this year. Your pushing was not too much.

5. Seeing Levi enjoy and thrive in his advanced choir brought bursting joy to your heart. Don't be too hard on him; there's a lot ruminating inside. Just don't let him be a slacker.

6. The $$ setbacks were many and out-of-the-ordinary. Let it go. Focus.

7. The barn sale. The barn sale. The barn sale. Unrestrained joy. The body of Christ, working for His glory, in more ways than can be counted.

8. All of the phone calls, the endless computer hours, the meetings were worth it to build community through soccer (and football) and help with a smooth season. But especially worth it for the deepening of relationships and new friendships. Now find a way to do it with less computer time.

9. The complete overwhelming undeserved blessing of Eric having 3 job offers from which to choose. Having your husband/their daddy "back".

10. "Hold Us Together" (Matt Maher)
"You are Mine" (Enter the Worship Circle)

11. The terror and yet perfect fun of belting out "Come on Up to the House" with dear Pam at South Boston. The leaky, cobwebby cabin that had no water in the morning, but making the best of it all. A perfect, quiet afternoon at Elk Creek.

12. Sister=pregnant. JOY!

13. Kenneth, Irene, Carrie, Robert, Doris, Janet, Zoanne, Shirley and so many more at the nursing home. Jesse, saying every single week, "I can't wait until Friday."

Thank you Lord, for all things.